Tesla’s Bitcoin Stash Rockets to $1.2B as Crypto Rally Defies Wall Street Skeptics

Elon’s gamble pays off—again. Tesla’s Bitcoin reserves just ballooned to a staggering $1.2 billion valuation as the crypto market shakes off its bearish shackles. Here’s how the automaker turned hodling into a masterclass in corporate treasury alpha.

From meme to mainstream

While traditional finance dinosaurs debate 'intrinsic value,' Tesla’s BTC position now dwarfs most hedge funds’ crypto exposure. The electric vehicle giant hasn’t added to its stack since Q1 2025—this surge comes purely from Bitcoin’s relentless climb past $60,000.

The irony department

Funny how a car company generates more ROI from digital assets than its core business this quarter. Then again, when your CEO moonlights as the Dogefather, maybe crypto profits should count as 'automotive adjacent revenue.'

Wall Street analysts scrambling to update their 'blockchain is a fad' PowerPoints. Meanwhile in Austin: *cha-ching*.