Crypto Giant Rakes in $10B Q2 Windfall as Bitcoin Roars Back
Wall Street's crypto playbook prints generational gains—just as retail FOMO kicks in.
When Bitcoin zigged, Strategy zagged straight to the bank. The institutional darling just posted a staggering $10 billion profit for Q2 2025, proving once again that volatility is just a spreadsheet line item for the big players.
Timing the bounce pays off (again)
While Main Street investors were still licking wounds from the 2024 bear market, these quant wizards were loading up on BTC derivatives. Now they're cashing out while CNBC anchors scramble to explain 'resistance levels.'
The real kicker? This haul came during what crypto natives called a 'dead cat bounce'—turns out the cat had nine lives and a hedge fund prospectus.
Bonus jab: Nothing brings out the institutional crocodile tears like having to report 'embarrassingly high' profits during a 'challenging macroeconomic environment.'
