Coinbase Stock Tanks After Q2 Earnings Stumble—Revenue Growth Can’t Save the Day

Wall Street's crypto darling just face-planted. Coinbase shares nosedived after posting disappointing Q2 earnings—proving once again that revenue growth alone won't satisfy the bloodthirsty casino we call public markets.

The numbers don't lie (but executives might)

While revenue climbed, the exchange still missed analyst targets. Cue the predictable sell-off from skittish institutional investors who still think crypto winters last only three months.

Silver lining or fool's gold?

True believers will point to the revenue bump as proof of resilience. Skeptics see another crypto firm learning the hard way that GAAP accounting doesn't accept 'vibes' as currency.

One thing's certain: until Coinbase can consistently deliver earnings that match its Silicon Valley swagger, its stock will keep riding crypto's infamous volatility rollercoaster—no safety harness included.