CoinDCX Security Breach: Internal Systems Compromised—Zero Customer Funds Lost

CoinDCX confirms an internal security breach—yet somehow, miraculously, not a single customer asset was touched. Cue the skeptical applause.

Behind the Firewall Fiasco

The exchange's own systems got punk'd—no external 'hackers' needed when internal vulnerabilities do the job. Classic case of leaving the backdoor unlocked while obsessing over the front gate.

The 'Nothing to See Here' Report

CoinDCX insists user wallets remained untouched. Because in crypto, the only thing more bulletproof than blockchain security is corporate PR spin.

Post-Breach Damage Control

Expect the standard playbook: vague promises of 'enhanced protocols,' a token security audit announcement, and—if we're lucky—a half-hearted bug bounty program. Meanwhile, traders keep stacking sats like nothing happened. Priorities.