Figma Rockets 198% Post-IPO—Design Giant Now Holds $70M in Bitcoin ETF as Crypto Bet Pays Off

Wall Street's latest tech darling just mooned harder than a shitcoin pump. Figma's stock exploded 198% after going public—turns out their designers weren't just playing with Bezier curves, but with Bitcoin ETFs too.

The $70M crypto play

Buried in the S-1 filing like a dev hiding API keys: Figma parked $70 million in a Bitcoin ETF. Because why bother with boring old Treasury bonds when you can ride the volatility rollercoaster?

Design tools meet digital gold

While Figma's interface designers were obsessing over pixel-perfect dropdowns, their CFO was apparently studying Satoshi's whitepaper. The move makes them the first major design SaaS to embrace Bitcoin's 'number go up' theology.

Wall Street's new crypto crush

Analysts are calling it a 'hedge against fiat'—which is banker-speak for 'we missed the Bitcoin train again.' Meanwhile, Figma's board meetings now feature laser eyes and 'WAGMI' chants.

One question remains: When do we get Figma plugins for trading altcoins between artboards?