Markets Stumble as Trump Drops 10% Global Tariff Bomb—Canada Hit Harder

Wall Street futures dip as trade tensions escalate overnight. The Dow, S&P 500, and Nasdaq all flinch after Trump's tariff double-whammy—a blanket 10% global levy with extra punishment for Canada. Who needs stable markets when you've got economic brinkmanship?

Tariff turbulence shakes pre-market trading

The former president's latest move sends shockwaves through financial markets before the opening bell. No sector appears safe from the ripple effects—classic 'shoot first, ask questions later' policymaking at its finest.

Canada catches a stray bullet

Our northern neighbors get special treatment—because nothing says 'renegotiate NAFTA' like unilateral rate hikes. Canadian exporters might want to check their blood pressure this morning.

Meanwhile in crypto-land: Bitcoin hodlers shrug while traditional markets panic. Another day, another reminder that decentralized assets don't care about presidential trade wars. Gold bugs and crypto anarchists share a rare moment of solidarity.

Closing thought: When the tariff man cometh, maybe it's time to revisit that 'boring' portfolio diversification advice your financial planner keeps nagging about. Or just YOLO into meme stocks—Wall Street's become a casino anyway.