Coinbase Joins the Perpetuals Party: US Traders Now Get Leveraged Crypto Action (Following Kraken’s Playbook)
Wall Street's worst nightmare just got louder—retail traders now have another playground for reckless leverage. Coinbase, never one to miss a bandwagon, just flipped the switch on perpetual futures for its US customers. Kraken did it first, but hey—when has being late stopped a crypto exchange from cashing in?
Zero-DTE Energy Hits Crypto
No more hopping offshore for degenerate bets. The perpetuals arms race is officially stateside—complete with regulatory asterisks and the inevitable margin call sob stories. Coinbase's move isn't innovation; it's survival. Spot trading revenues got squeezed? Whip out the leverage crack pipe.
Regulators Grab Popcorn
Watch Gary Gensler's SEC draft another angry tweet as retail traders YOLO into 20x long SHIB positions. The 'protect investors' script writes itself—right before the next bull run makes everyone forget why leverage is dangerous.
One truth remains: Crypto exchanges will always sell shovels in a gold rush. Even if those shovels are just repackaged CFDs with blockchain buzzwords.
