Coinbase Doubles Down on Onchain Chaos with Strategic LiquiFi Buyout

Coinbase just loaded its arsenal for crypto's next bloody protocol war.

The exchange giant snapped up LiquiFi—a move that screams preparation for the coming onchain turbulence. Because nothing says 'bullish' like stockpiling defi scalpels before the regulatory knives come out.

Why this reeks of genius (or desperation)

LiquiFi's token vesting tools give Coinbase institutional-grade ammunition. Now they can offer Wall Street escapees what they really crave: compliant chaos wrapped in enterprise UX.

The cynical take

Another 'strategic acquisition' that'll either print money or get written off in 18 months. But hey—at least the press release pumped the stock 3%.

One thing's certain: when the onchain shitstorm hits, Coinbase won't be caught holding just a MetaMask extension.