🚀 Bitcoin & Crypto Stocks Soar as Trump Unleashes 401(k)s on Alt Assets – Bull Run Incoming?

Wall Street meets crypto anarchy as retirement funds get a risky new toy.

The Executive Order Heard ‘Round the Crypto World

Trump just handed Bitcoin bulls their dream fuel—legacy retirement money flowing into digital assets. Markets reacted like they’d mainlined adrenaline: BTC up 12%, Coinbase stock popping 18% in premarket. Suddenly, your grandma’s 401(k) might hold more volatility than her 1987 stock portfolio.

Pension Funds Playing With Matches

Traditional finance gatekeepers are sweating through their Oxford shirts. ‘Alternative assets’ now includes everything from Bitcoin to DeFi yield farms—because nothing says ‘secure retirement’ like impermanent loss and memecoins. Meanwhile, BlackRock quietly files paperwork for a Bitcoin IRA product within hours of the announcement.

The Institutional On-Ramp Just Got Shorter

This isn’t adoption—it’s forced marriage. With 401(k) providers now scrambling to add crypto options, the $7 trillion retirement market could become crypto’s liquidity lifeblood. Cynics note the timing: midterm elections loom, and what better way to court millennial votes than dangling Lambo-funded golden years?

One thing’s certain: Wall Street’s ‘risk management’ playbook just got torched. Again.