Coinbase Stumbles in Q1 as Trading Volume Dries Up—Wall Street Shrugs, Crypto Hodlers Keep Stacking
Another quarter, another ’miss’ for the suits—Coinbase’s revenue falls short as retail traders take a breather. But let’s be real: since when has crypto ever played by Wall Street’s rules?
Subheader: The Numbers Don’t Lie (But They Do Disappoint)
Trading volume drops 22% year-over-year, proving even blue-chip exchanges aren’t immune to crypto winters. Meanwhile, the C-suite blames ’macro conditions’—because apparently ’our users finally learned about transaction fees’ wasn’t boardroom-ready.
Subheader: Silver Linings for Degens
Institutional custody revenue up 15%—whales are clearly loading up while normies panic. Base chain activity surges too, because nothing says ’long-term play’ like subsidizing meme coin traders.
Closing Thought: The real story? Coinbase survives another quarter while smaller rivals implode. Crypto’s casino stays open—the house always wins.
