Function Secures $10M to Turn Bitcoin into a Cash-Flow Powerhouse

Bitcoin holders, meet your yield engine. Function just locked in $10 million to crack the code on transforming dormant BTC into a revenue-generating asset—because HODLing wasn’t profitable enough for Wall Street’s taste.

The Pitch: Sleeping coins, waking returns

Forget ‘number go up’ prayers—Function’s tech promises to put idle Bitcoin to work without sacrificing custody. No more choosing between security and yield.

The Fine Print: Decentralized finance’s new frontier

While traditional finance scoffs at ‘magic internet money,’ this funding round proves institutional appetite for Bitcoin utility is real—even if bankers still won’t say ‘crypto’ at cocktail parties.

Bottom line: The ‘store of value’ narrative just got a cash flow upgrade. Whether this disrupts bonds or becomes crypto’s version of synthetic CDOs remains to be seen. (Spoiler: Wall Street will find a way to overcomplicate it.)