🚀 Ethereum ETPs Fuel $572M Crypto Surge as US Retirement Policy Ignites Market Rally

Wall Street's crypto craving just got a retirement-plan boost—and Ethereum's leading the charge.

The institutional floodgates open wider

ETPs tracking ETH sucked in over half a billion last week as regulators finally acknowledged what degenerates knew all along: grandma wants in on the blockchain action. Who needs boring bonds when you can YOLO retirement funds into smart contracts?

Washington's accidental crypto endorsement

New FSA guidelines effectively greenlight crypto in 401(k)s—because nothing says 'secure financial future' like volatile digital assets. TradFi brokers are suddenly scrambling to offer what they spent years calling a scam.

The rally proves institutional money follows policy, not fundamentals. But hey—when the gravy train's rolling, you don't ask who's driving.