Crypto Investor Faces Court in Bitcoin Kidnapping Case—Because Nothing Says ’HODL’ Like Extortion

John Woeltz—a name now synonymous with crypto’s darkest corners—stood before a judge today, charged with orchestrating a brutal kidnapping-for-ransom scheme where Bitcoin was the demanded currency. Turns out, ’digital gold’ buys more than just Lambos.

Prosecutors allege Woeltz weaponized crypto’s anonymity to demand payments, proving once again that blockchain’s killer app might just be crime (apologies to the DeFi maximalists). The case highlights the ugly underbelly of crypto’s wild west era—where moon shots and felonies sometimes share the same wallet.

As the trial unfolds, one thing’s clear: when your investment thesis includes abduction, you’ve officially strayed from Satoshi’s white paper. Maybe stick to leveraged longs next time?

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Michaela has no crypto positions and does not hold any crypto assets. This article is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed as financial advice. The Shib Magazine and The Shib Daily are the official media and publications of the shiba inu cryptocurrency project. Readers are encouraged to conduct their own research and consult with a qualified financial adviser before making any investment decisions.