Coinbase Insider Breach Exposes 70,000 Accounts—Because Who Needs Security in Crypto?
Another day, another crypto exchange with a ’whoopsie’ moment. Coinbase just joined the hall of shame with an insider breach compromising nearly 70,000 accounts. Was it hackers? Nope—just good old-fashioned human error (or greed, take your pick).
Subheader: The ’Trusted’ Exchange That Couldn’t Trust Its Own
Details are still dripping out, but early reports suggest an insider bypassed safeguards—because nothing says ’decentralized future’ like a single point of failure. The breach reportedly exposed sensitive data, though Coinbase insists no funds were drained. Sure, just like your ’safe’ FDIC-insured bank account… if the bank was run by code and vibes.
Subheader: The Cynic’s Corner
Meanwhile, Wall Street snickers—because nothing makes traditional finance feel better than watching crypto’s ’revolution’ trip over its own shoelaces. Bonus jab: At least stockbrokers lose your money the old-fashioned way (with fees).
Closer: Coinbase vows to ’enhance protocols.’ Translation: They’re buying a bigger rug to sweep this under.
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CEO Brian Armstrong later confirmed in a public statement that Coinbase WOULD reimburse those impacted, bolster its security defenses, and move some of its customer operations away from high-risk regions.
Cleanup costs are expected to fall between $180 million and $400 million, according to internal estimates.
