Bitcoin Miners Rally as Meta Inks 20-Year Nuclear-Powered AI Deal—Because Clean Energy Was Too Mainstream

Crypto’s dirty secret gets a greenwashed glow-up: Bitcoin miners are surging after Meta signed a two-decade deal to power its AI ambitions with—wait for it—nuclear energy. Because nothing says ’sustainable’ like splitting atoms to mine digital gold and train chatbots.

The move sends a clear signal: Big Tech would rather shack up with fission reactors than admit renewables can’t handle their insatiable power demands. Meanwhile, Bitcoiners cheer the energy arms race—after all, when your business model burns more electricity than Argentina, any energy deal is a bullish signal.

Wall Street analysts are already spinning this as ’ESG-compliant hashrate.’ Because nothing screams environmental responsibility like using 1950s-era power plants to fuel 21st-century speculative assets.